A collection of dreams...
Cocoon yourself in silence
protected against the painful shards of broken attention
offers of love as surface connections
supplying sustenance in the form of empty praise and false flatteries
Cocoon yourself or you will surely eagerly consume this insufficient diet.
hoping they see you
hoping it is enough
but they never do
and it never is
wrap yourself in softness, assured of your path
allow their eyes to remain accustomed only to the limited shallows.
leave them there gently
avoiding the turbulent energy of attempting to convince them otherwise
Things are different now
you, enclosed within, have grown
Therefore, train your thoughts
Morph them from the present to the future
Stand on the shoulders of the woman you will be, the one you are becoming
She is strong
You can trust her
The shallow waters of empty flattery are no place to find her
She does not live there
She exists only where the eyes cannot reach
She hears only those brave enough to approach her in that place.
Knowing it is better to dwell in the depths completely alone that to drown at the surface where her soul cannot breathe.
She waits to make room for those who willingly and longingly dive into the deepest parts of her being
where the shallows have no sway
Where the light is only visible to those who have taken the time to dwell in their own spirit
In silence
and in softness
and so the world expands
At times it felt like drowning
Darkness descending as I sank deep into a cavernous abyss
Coerced by an invisible force
The outside world becoming muffled and blurry
An intense heaviness dragging me down
This incomprehensible gravity beckoning.
I tried to swim against it
Desperately seeking the surface
The shallows
Somewhere I could stand.
I tried distracting myself
Chasing love
Empty conversations
Endless endeavors
Superficial entertainments to keep me from the discomfort of approaching this throbbing, raw part of my being, menacing in its attempt to be known.
It pushed on my ribs
And sucked the air out of my lungs
Made my heart hammer in my chest
And my thoughts turn against myself
Yet still, I kept it hidden.
False smiles
People pleasing
Numbing it with validation
Seeking assurance after assurance after assurance...
False hopes.
Then finally,
brave enough to enter,
Locating the source of my pain
Astonished to discover that the source was me.
The me I buried in order to fit in
The me I turned against convinced she would be dismissed
My anxiety and negative thoughts stemming from the abandonment of my own essence.
The rejection I always feared from others was based on a desertion of my own spirit.
And so slowly
I embraced her
I set her voice free
I began to understand that my flaws do not negate my worth.
That maybe the grand journey of life is to embrace that tiny beating part of our souls that longs to be accepted and share it with the world
Maybe this vulnerability is what connects us
Maybe this openness helps others begin their own journey
Maybe this journey is life.
Maybe this life is love.