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A collection of dreams...

Art photo of nude woman curled in fetal position

Cocoon yourself in silence

protected against the painful shards of broken attention

offers of love as surface connections

supplying sustenance in the form of empty praise and false flatteries

Cocoon yourself or you will surely eagerly consume this insufficient diet.

hoping they see you

hoping it is enough

but they never do

and it never is

wrap yourself in softness, assured of your path

allow their eyes to remain accustomed only to the limited shallows.

leave them there gently

avoiding the turbulent energy of attempting to convince them otherwise

Things are different now

you, enclosed within,  have grown

Therefore, train your thoughts

Morph them from the present to the future

Stand on the shoulders of the woman you will be, the one you are becoming

She is strong

You can trust her

The shallow waters of empty flattery are no place to find her

She does not live there

She exists only where the eyes cannot reach

She hears only those brave enough to approach her in that place.

Knowing it is better to dwell in the depths completely alone that to drown at the surface where her soul cannot breathe.

She waits to make room for those who willingly and longingly dive into the deepest parts of her being

where the shallows have no sway

Where the light is only visible to those who have taken the time to dwell in their own spirit

In silence

and in softness

and so the world expands

Composite photo of women leaning on window with city scene overlayed

At times it felt like drowning

Darkness descending as I sank deep into a cavernous abyss

Coerced by an invisible force

The outside world becoming muffled and blurry

An intense heaviness dragging me down

This incomprehensible gravity beckoning.

I tried to swim against it

Desperately seeking the surface

The shallows

Somewhere I could stand.

I tried distracting myself

Chasing love

Empty conversations

Endless endeavors

Superficial entertainments to keep me from the discomfort of approaching this throbbing, raw part of my being, menacing in its attempt to be known.

It pushed on my ribs

And sucked the air out of my lungs

Made my heart hammer in my chest

And my thoughts turn against myself

Yet still, I kept it hidden.

False smiles

People pleasing

Numbing it with validation

Seeking assurance after assurance after assurance...

False hopes.

Then finally,

brave enough to enter,

Locating the source of my pain

Astonished to discover that the source was me.

The me I buried in order to fit in

The me I turned against convinced she would be dismissed

My anxiety and negative thoughts stemming from the abandonment of my own essence.

The rejection I always feared from others was based on a desertion of my own spirit.

And so slowly

I embraced her

I set her voice free

I began to understand that my flaws do not negate my worth.

That maybe the grand journey of life is to embrace that tiny beating part of our souls that longs to be accepted and share it with the world

Maybe this vulnerability is what connects us

Maybe this openness helps others begin their own journey

Maybe this journey is life.

Maybe this life is love. 

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